Don't Go Back - Recovery Strategy #2

When I was a teen, I had some pretty fantastic dreams of the future.  I had a very creative mind. Like so many teens my age, I had a serious fascination with space and science fiction. I remember that through all the years of family bible study and forced meeting attendance I somehow was able to convince my religiously fanatic parents to allow me to carve out some daily time for my favorite TV show, Star Trek. Oh how I loved that show. I envisioned myself being part of that future where I could explore the unknown universe where I was sure there would be no Kingdom Halls.

At one point I had drawn elaborate plans for my own Starship Enterprise which I was going to launch from my backyard with a giant rubber band. I had dreams of going places and doing something really cool with my life. Perhaps being an astronaut may have been a bit far fethched but becoming an architect, an engineer or geologist were not.

Instead of being steered towards accomplishing my dreams, I was forced into the full time ministry as one on Jehovah's Witnesses. I recall my fathers words as if they were yesterday. He told me to either enter the full-time ministry or I cant live under his roof.  If I were 18 today in that situation I would have left. At 18 years of age I should have been off to college somplace, choosing an awesome career path, making lifelong friends, joining a fraternity and sleeping with young college girls. 

That would be a future I would never see. The college experience is deserving of EVERY single person in the world. It helps you think and can give you the very foundation to make a successful life. Success takes preparation. It would be years before I would see a college degree with my name on it. Although I am happy to have it, the affiliation and experiences are what I wish for most. I have met people that have had friends since high school and they have remained close until now. Growing up as a witness, I was shielded from making friends with my peers outside of the JW sect. Which means as a forever and happily disfellowshipped person, I am still trying to make connections and build friendships at my age. Really tough.

So, where am I going with this? If you are reading this and you are a disfellowshipped person and you are pretty young with your whole life in front of you, then stop trying to get back into the WATCHTOWER BORG and go to college! Leave the country, study abroad. Shed fear and doubt! Dont be scared of the WORLDLY PEOPLE, they will be some of the BEST people you will EVER meet. Trust me, I have no desire to steer you wrong. Do not waste your life on the shifting sands and wavering beliefs of this religious sect.

But what if you are older with a family and responsibilities? I think the same rules apply. If you have not earned your degree do it now. You will make friends, you  will learn how to think critically and you will build your own 'social construct'. You will have the choice to pick your own friends and make your own decisions and set your own path. I am here to tell you that having fear will hold you back.

I am still on my path to recovery. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. The busier I stay the better I feel. I write these blogs, not just for you but for me. Sharing my thoughts with you firms my stand and strengthens my resolve.

Hold your faith in yourself my friends!

Don' Go Back - Recovery Strategy #1

I have been happily disfellowshipped now for going on three years. And while I must admit I have had thoughts of going back and seeking resinstatement, I have resisted. Part of my strength comes from the amount of research I have done by using resources available to everyone on the internet. The many peope I have met in forums and other websites tell incredible stories of doubt and depression while living the lie within the organization. I have also read many stories of those who were thrust out, such as in my case but have made tremendous efforts to readjust and create productive lives for themselves. Recovery does not happen on its own or in due time. It requires sustained effort, deliberation.

For years the organization has strongly discouraged outside research, especially that which can be found on the internet. However, contrary to popular belief, much truth about the truth can be found on the internet. There are public information sites that discuss the vast real estate holdings of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society. You can find rich resources about the history of the organization, its founders and managing members all within the comfort of your closet.

I looked for internet forums with discussion boards where I could read, share and comment on the stories that others were sharing about their experiences now that they were officially no apart of the sect.  What I discoverded were stories that reflected almost to the exact same detail, my story. I also found a treasure trove of information about the sects history that would certainly shed light on the things they do today.

If you are serious about recovering from the abusive nature of this sect and you want to confirm your nagging doubts you have then you must do as the ancient Bereans did and do your research. Absorb yourself in reading all you can about the original founders and the history, including all their doctrinal changes. Have an open mind and heart when reading the stories of others or watching their YouTube videos. Learn as much as you can. Post your story online and comment on the stories of others. Ask questions and read their answers. You will be surprised at the level of support you will find as well as depth or resources that they can help you with.

Disfellowshipped - The Life of The Invisible Man - Update #1

Hello all,

Progress has been divine and I am happy to say that writing is both inspirational and therapeutic. Right now I am in the middle of writing chapter 5 and I am having a ball with word choices and humor. Why am I writing this book? It started out as a way for  me to begin the healing process. Then during my research I realized how many people were in a tremendous amount of pain from their experiences. I want to help them see that being disfellowshipped is really a gift, a key to freedom.

I also believe that if I bring to light the epic silliness of this whole organization and their processes with a sense of humor then others who struggle to leave might have a chance at realistic analysis.

I cant wait to share this with you.

New Book Coming - Status

I once considered that writing a book about my experiences growing up as a JW should be quite an easy undertaking. I figured that I would be able to write my story with truth mixed with a bit of whimiscal fair. However, I have discovered that writing about my journey in search of purity has been wrought with emotional ups and downs coupled with many, many painful memories that I had forgotten or filed far away from even my long-term memory. My story is not about bashing a religion. Its a story of absurdity in religion. Its a story told with utter honesty about my failings and my struggle to right the ship and reclaim my independence of thought and make something positive out of my life. The journey to strength and recovery is a long one. I have found a number of sites on line to help with the process in addition to seeing a therapist on a regualr basis. Check out the following website: www.jehovahswitnessrecovery.com. Alot of good peopke there and some great advice to help you in the recovery process.

I live in Chicago now and have joined several meetups of ex-JW's on the road to recovery. Great experiences thus far and I look forward to sharing those with you.