Closing Chapter

Today is Sunday, September 22, 2013. I awake to the realization that my struggle is over. I seem to be no longer plagued with my past life as one of Jehovah's Wintesses, the wasted years, the lost passions and pursuits of a youth gone by. I am now plagued with different thoughts. Those of new love, new passions, new interests and a new future. There are new conversations with new friends and family memebrs to be had, aregued over and pondered about. The path to freedom has been a long one but one I welcome. A path my siblings and even my oldest son have found long before me. Think, re-think and do. Never follow. I now close out this chapter and this blog in peace.

Why They Go

I see so many people posting IG pics with their happy faces from the 2013 Convention. Why? What hope are these people proffering now since the failure of all I their prophecies? I would suggest transforming the organization to a social one and charging admission. Isn't the fear of being disfellowshipped and compulsory "contributions" enough to keep the organization tight? You don't need the so called 'promise doctrine' any longer. To all who go to the Hall I advise you to be yourself and stop faking it in the hopes that someday you will 'make it.'

Freedom to Me is....

We dont know true freedom. Martin Luther King said Let Freedom Ring. What that meant for them does not mean the same for us. What it meant for the people of his day:

Freedom to eat anywhere
Freedom to sit anywhere
Freedom to go anywhere
Freedom work anywhere
Freedom to attend any college or university
Freedom to shop anywhere
Freedom to excel in anything and everything

Imagine today if you were financially free to do whatever you wanted to do in life. No barriers.
With that freedom comes creativity.

I have been released from the bonds of religious captivity.
I am free.

Free to be me
Free to create freely
Free to freely create
Free to love unabashedly and without guilt
Free to live with reckless abandon
Free to travel
Free to explore
Free to indulge
Free to help others
Free to excel
Free to have good, solid, loving and caring friends
Free to celebarate the precious moments; my birthday
Free to celebarate the precious moments; her birthday
Free to celebarate the precious moments; your birthdays
Free to love all people how God meant for me too
Free to be NOT what you say I SHOULD be - Just Free
Free to be ME!

Get Out Of Her My People!

Jehovah's Witnesses are happy to exclaim every single other religion other than theirs to be a part of Babylon The Great which represents the world of false religion. They urgently advise everyone to "Get out of her before it's too late." What they fail to realize is that while they may have had good intentions in the very beginning, they have become that loathsome religion that they have spent many years demonizing. I am proud to be disfellowshipped and removed from that organization. While it was done forcefully and against my will, it is only after these events have I become to see how worthless of an individual I was once I did not have them any longer. I had to rebuild my self esteem and my worthiness in my own eyes. It was new people that I would meet that would help me to re-coup my value and worth as a man, and understand what true Christianity is. Its difference is significant in meaning and action than what I came to learn as one of Jehovah's Witnesses.  Let me be clear about one thing: I do believe in God. I believe and KNOW that his name is Jehovah and I pray to him often for support, for protection and for gratitude.

However, I will NEVER AGAIN become a simple minded follower, unquestioniing and gullible. I will question, debate and learn what I am told to believe. I will share with others only what deeply motivates me and not what I am told to share. I will objectively hold all persons that I meet as equal and lovely creatures of God himself until they PERSONALLY do something to me that tells me otherwise.

I have love now from all corners. My children. A lovely woman of chocolate composition. My siblings and very soon a large extended family and a new, more accepting pair of parents.

Life is good. Love is sweet and God is GREAT!

Dear Mom, You Suck

Dear Mom, I called you today.
But what I got was a click
Did you just hang up on me?
So being so nice, I called you twice
Did you just hang up on me?
I wanted to say 'oh what the f@$k'
A little dirty for my taste
So as not to hinder a life of luck
Suffice to say, mom you suck

I Think of Dad

I think of dad
Not a passing fad
For I think of you often
How would it be
Discussing our fears over a beer
I think of dad
Where are you, how are you feeling
My 'miss you' thoughts keep me reeling
How do I fare?
It seems you don't care
I think of dad
Because I miss you so bad

Single Happy Girls - Helping my girlfriend

So, typically this blog is about my experiences as an ex-JW. Not today however. Since I have left the organization, I have found me a NICE girlfriend! She is a spiritual woman, yet not religious which really appeals to me right now. So, why this topic about my girlfriend? Well over the last ten years she has been writing a book about her personal life, her love experiences. Since we have been together, I encouraged her to get it published. Its a GREAT read designed to help young women answer those perhaps 'disquieting' thoughts about themselves and their relationship choices.

Terre Holmes is her name and she is brutally honest about her own past. She has a project on Kickstarter.com (Search 'Terre Homes') where she is trying to raise funds to publish the book. Do me a HUGE favor and please pre-order a book or maybe even a number of books to help her reach her funding goal.

The title of the book is: Love Lessons for Single Girls and Their Not So Happy Friends!

Thanks and we do appreciate your support!

It Was You

It was you
It's always been you
A dream come come true
It was always you
Hard times
Wrong turn
Inside I burn
The sands of time
No longer mine
Fine; it will always be you

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: I can't wait!

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: I can't wait!: It's Mothers Day! All my life I wanted to celebrate her special self Stolen like a thief; it didn't match my belief Now on my own...

I can't wait!

It's Mothers Day!
All my life I wanted to celebrate her special self
Stolen like a thief; it didn't match my belief
Now on my own she won't answer her phone
All because i don't believe as they do
Happy Mothers Day; I will always love you.

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Nah, I'm good!

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Nah, I'm good!: Good day dear friends, listeners, followers and leaders, This morning I was taking my morning walk to Starbucks to get some work done. As ...

Nah, I'm good!

Good day dear friends, listeners, followers and leaders,

This morning I was taking my morning walk to Starbucks to get some work done. As i walked up to the entrance I saw a brother getting out of his truck that attended the Kingdon Hall with me. Of course since I am disfellowshipped he is forbidden to speak to me. This is the second awkward (to him) moment we have shared in the last two weeks. I know he wants to say hello - its that 'I wanna say hello so bad too my friend but I am afraid I might get struck with lightning from God above, look.

So, I spoke to him. "Goodmorning friend", I said. He looked at me as if gun toting indecision had grabbed his tongue. As he searched for words all he could say was "C'mon back"! Editors note: A 'hello' or 'good to see you' are all good responses.

For me, its always good to see my old friends in good health and upright above ground. Even if they won't or dont speak to me, it makes me feel good to smile at them. Letting them know all is good in my world.

So what did I say to his request to 'Cmon back'?

Nah, I'm good.

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Sunday Surprise

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Sunday Surprise: Well, well well. Yesterday I made a committment to try something new this Sunday morning. Instead of working the morning away, sleeping in l...

Sunday Surprise

Well, well well. Yesterday I made a committment to try something new this Sunday morning. Instead of working the morning away, sleeping in late or even making breakfast, I went to Church! Yep! I went to CHURCH!!!! I know you may be thinking that I must be nuts since Jehovah's Witnesses forbid the exercising of your mind by any other means outside of the Watchtower publications. I stepped into the forbidden building with much trepidation. I was met by the forbidden people and enjoyed a sermon from the forbidden Pastor.

It was a GREAT experience. The church building was clean and respectable, not full of graven images as I had been led to believe. The people were extremely friendly and non-judgmental. The Pastor was cool and spoke to me personally. He was encouraging, uplifting and overall, just damn cool.

Oh, yeah let's not forget about all them fine singing ladies on the stage.

The music was nice, the message encouraging, the people were friendly.

In my Arnold voice: I'l be back.

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Door to Door Ministry - Does it matter anymore?

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Door to Door Ministry - Does it matter anymore?: So, here we are at another Saturday morning. In the past I would be walking up and down the street with my congregation knocking on doors an...

Door to Door Ministry - Does it matter anymore?

So, here we are at another Saturday morning. In the past I would be walking up and down the street with my congregation knocking on doors and interrupting people with our message of gloom and doom with a side of hope. But today, I feel a sense of pity almost as I am driving along sipping on my Starbucks and I notice some older witnesses hobbling up the sidewalk.

My sense of pity suddenly changes to wonder. If the generation that saw and understood the events of 1914 and their signifigance are all dead now then what in the world are the Witnesses preaching about? I mean the folks alive in 1914 are supposed to see the end of this wicked system of things and be ushered into the new world right?

What in the world are the witnesses preaching about?

Oh shoot, here they come up my drive way.

Sorry, I'm not interested :)

Happy Days

Good Day Happy People!

As I begin to embarck on this beautiful day here in Cleveland and as I wind down my days here before I move on to a new location and I think often of my friends and those who are stuck in the mud and just cant seem to make that move away from the long controlling arm of the Society and Jehovah's Witnesses! I ask you this: Is there any REAL  harm in research? Is there ANY real harm in watching a few videos and keeping an open mind? As I recall, it was a highly sought after quality to be studious! Did not the ancient Bereans investigate their beliefs to make sure these things are actually 'so'? Do you think the Bereans would accept only one perspective without a thorough investigation?

If someone walked up to you on the street and demanded that you eat a sandwhich, would you do it? Would you do it without knowing where it came from, who made it or even what's in it? Of course not!

Why then would you supress your doubts or at least not try to disprove them through some research?

Please eat this sandwich. It's a little food for thought.

Cheers and Happy Friday.

Christopher

The Weekly Book Study - More FUNNY stuff!

The Dreaded Bathroom Visit

Have you ever had to use the urinal next to a disfellowshipped person? CAN you say AWKWARD!

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: I Miss My Mother and Yeah, DDK Too!

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: I Miss My Mother and Yeah, DDK Too!: My mother and I were very close. And when I say VERY close, I mean just that. Typically when I would come home, she would be the first perso...

I Miss My Mother and Yeah, DDK Too!

My mother and I were very close. And when I say VERY close, I mean just that. Typically when I would come home, she would be the first person I looked for and I knew that if I just laid across her giant bed for a bit she would find me. I love my mom! She is and has always been my favorite person. But her allegiance to The Mud Puddle (the JW Organization) has had a significant and negative impact on our relationship. Its warm, hot and at times FREEZING.  Last year she met a nice man. A man that treated her with respect and kindness, something that she was not accustomed to being married to my DDK. If you are unfamiliar with the DDK, please refer to an earlier series of blog posts.

Anyhow, during this brief time, I had my mother. Why? Because for that brief time she was a rebel, a happy rebel against the organization that sponsors headship over happiness often at the emotional expense of their women and wives. Anyhow, we are in this rebel plight together, albeit I had chosen mine, she came upon hers quite by accident. Alas, the thrill would not last long. As it turns out, this guy turned out to be like so many others, just looking for some on the side fun. Happily, my mother being this solid woman of faith and virtue was able to see through his shenannigans!

Which makes me wonder why during that brief time of freedom and bliss would she choose to go back to The Mud Puddle?

It's cold out.

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Don't Get Stuck In The Mud

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Don't Get Stuck In The Mud: Zombies! I love Zombie shows. Maybe its my knowledge of the ressurection that fuels my interest in Zombie stories. Anyhow, how does my love ...

Ex-Jehovahs Witness Explains: THe Weekly Family Study!

One of many funny stories about the weekly family study.

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Ex-Jehovahs Witness - The science of knocking on d...

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Ex-Jehovahs Witness - The science of knocking on d...: One of MANY stories I will share walking door to door in the ministry. This one in particular is about me working with the Circuot Oversee...

Ex-Jehovahs Witness - The science of knocking on doors

One of MANY stories I will share walking door to door in the ministry. This one in particular is about me working with the Circuot Overseer.

Daddy Dream Killer - Now

So DDK has a past and you may wonder the current condition and political stature of DDK present tense. Well DDK is still around, albeit stripped of all his pomp and swagger because the non-conformist family is no longer conforming. There were four of us non-conforming and hard-headed teenagers, all doing well in school, well-respected in our communities yet struggling to fit into a religious organization that demeans individualism.

So DDK is good. He and I have not spoken in the last two years so I have to get the news from my siblings. If he's good then Iam good. DDK may have buried my child hood dreams but I have new dreams and I am working them out.

Till next time. Nothing more to say on the DDK subject. I am buring this along with my past.

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Daddy Dream ...

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Daddy Dream ...: Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Daddy Dream Killer : I am here, in my present to discuss my past and my future and how they have been ...

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Where It Goes From Here

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Where It Goes From Here: Recently I have been spending time on YouTube and have been astounded at the number of people who are posting videos about their life time o...

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Don't Get Stuck In The Mud

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Don't Get Stuck In The Mud: Zombies! I love Zombie shows. Maybe its my knowledge of the ressurection that fuels my interest in Zombie stories. Anyhow, how does my love ...

Don't Get Stuck In The Mud

Zombies! I love Zombie shows. Maybe its my knowledge of the ressurection that fuels my interest in Zombie stories. Anyhow, how does my love of Zombie films relate to moving on in life after being disfellowshiped or leaving Jehovah's Witnesses behind?

Stuck in the mud. A recent Walking Dead show I watched had a scene where a zombie was stuck in the mud while trying to get at Carl for dinner. That zombie tried his best to get himself unstuck. That scene reminded me of myself for years trying to move on from the deep mud puddle that is being one of Jehovahs Witnesses. While stuck you can see so many opportunities in the world around you that you want to reach for, but FEAR or the mud puddle just keeps you there, always wanting, always desiring but not able to move from the mud puddle. Sometime it takes a little help. I was pushed out and after spending alot of time picking away the hardened mud,  I am finally able to start reahing my goals.

Back to my zombie friend. He eventually was able to free himself and later was able to find his dinner. He was relentless. You too must be relentless. You must keep pushing to free yourself from the mud puddle of FEAR. Listen to the wise words of those around you. Just like an abusive relationship, you never can see the damage done to you until you are away from it. But trust me, others see it. These are your allies.

Trust them. Believe them. Remove the hardened mud and get a move on with your life.

Where It Goes From Here

Recently I have been spending time on YouTube and have been astounded at the number of people who are posting videos about their life time of experiences serving as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Their stories are amazingly sad and there seems to be a total lack of direction and confusion as to what to do next. Now I am or have been one of those people, and my girlfriend always tells me to just move on. I do think that is over simplifying the problem. Being a JW for most, if not all has been a way of life. For many years, we were told to believe that any one that has an organization built by a man and which has built a following is a cult. Its okay to see things as they really are. Jehovah's Witnesses are a religious organization based on FEAR!

Fear is a paralyzing consequence that instills in you an inability to act and move forward based on some unseen or unreal consequence.

Put FEAR aside. For those brothers and sisters now disfellowshipped and faced with a choice please take a moment and stand outside the organizations and ask yourself some questions, youu know the questions you are not allowed to ask for FEAR or being disfellowshipped or MARKED as bad association?

Ask them now. Go to the library - talk to people outside of the kingdom hall. Here are a few steps I took that helped me make some new friends and get some healing oil on my head:

1. Go back to school and take classes. Make sure you take some classes about religious history.
2. On the nights you would normally go to the meetings, go to a local social event where you can meet new people, ideally NOT a bar.
3. Listen to positive reinforcements daily or weekly. Try Joel Osteen. He is serious motivation and is pisitive in his outlook on the future.
4. Join the local health club and take exercise classes. There you will meet new friends that wont judge you harshly because of your religious background.

Give yourself 3 to 6 months of this activity and DO NOT visit a Kingdom Hall at this time. Do not accept any literature but if you want to read a Bible, take a Bible history class and get a different perspective.

These are some tips I have. I know its hard. I am still struggling but it does get better. Stay tuned as I will have more later.

Daddy Dream Killer - Then

So, who was DDK (Daddy Dream Killer) really? DDK really was a good man, sorta. He was a provider. He worked, he played, he disciplined, he conned.  As you may suspect, a successful religion demands and gets conformity. Large groups of conformers are made up of smaller groups of conforming families led by conformists looking to have positions of authority in the organization. To get your family to conform is to have power and admiration of others and therefore you are seen as an example and your meteroic rise to become and Elder (A Hitler like personality with Ministerial Servants that act like SS Guards) is swift and to much fanfare.

For many men who lack professional pedigrees and careers, the promise of rising to a 'position of responsibility' over others is highly sought after. The more in conformance to JW policy your family appears to be the more you are an example to other struggling families; you and your family are an example of fine spiriutality and are therefore qualified to lead others families out of their blindness.

All DDK's know this one fact: In order to meet the conformance ideals of the JW organization, all independent thought, aspiration, inspiration that is outside of organization activities must be squashed! This is where DDK's excel.  It is a sign of spiritual weakness and a lack of control over the children or the family of the DDK to express any interest in extra curricular activities that may conflict with the ideologies of the organization.

The DDK must be a DDK to keep his position of authority and admiration from the congregation. He has HIS family in control and in submission.

However, dont look too closely. Stopping by the home without prior notice may find  the DDK speaking abusively to his wife, over-drinking, over-eating or berating his son or daughter just because he or she wants to play in the school band....or wants to learn how to play chess in the school club....or wants to play  basketball on the high school team - wait...its almost time for the meeting. Time to make the DDK look good - smile and make sure you raise your hand at least three times during the Watchtower study....LOL!

My DDk was the most popular in our Kingdom Hall. A symbol of compassion, humility, strength, spirituality, blah, blah, blah! Many would call the house late at night, early in the morning with their problems and be met with the kindest most loving words I NEVER heard in all my life - who was this man? But that is the MO for the DDK! To remain a successful DDK and keep your eldership one must be a politician for the people, but at home DDK activities go into full effect.....fulll effect.

Lastly DDK's efforts were strong and unrelenting - so what were the results of DDK's efforts?

Up Next? DDK-Now.

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Daddy Dream Killer

Disfellowshipped and Living My Dream: Daddy Dream Killer: I am here, in my present to discuss my past and my future and how they have been impacted by others, outside my control. For many years, my...

Daddy Dream Killer

I am here, in my present to discuss my past and my future and how they have been impacted by others, outside my control. For many years, my ability to control my own destiny has been hampered by my seeming inability to release and let go of the harmful indoctrinations and ideologies that others had for the direction of my life.

I intend to blog often and maybe someday turn this into a book. I wont be nasty, deragatory or negative if I can help it. I want to be frank, honest, up-front with a twist of humor while discussing the role that religion has played over the course of my life.

You see, I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness! While the very name may recall to your mind early Saturday mornings where you were awakened or had your cartoon watching time interrupted by a unexpected knock on the door, its much, much more than that.

Its about unfulfilled dreams, stolen childhoods, harsh discipline, repression, intolerance, elitist cliques, favortism and class distinction. There is a tendency to divert into the discussion of scripture in these conversations. However, I want to deal with the human side. I want to discuss the after effects of being heavily involved in a religion that labels every one else a CULT but refuses to acknowledge their own cult like practices.

Now begins my personal story. My mother was baptized as a Jehovah's Witness right before I was born, with the absolute BEST of intentions. She truly believes that someday a paradise earth would come about and her new and precious baby would not experience the cruel world she had come to know.

My mother spent my early teenage years trying to convince my cigarette smoking, beer drinking, abusive and womanizing father to give up his 'worldly ways' for the 'truth' a it is often called. During those days, I was a whimsical kid, engaged in the daily grind of playing with rocks, chemicals, worms, trucks and other boy like things while dreaming of doing something really cool with my life. Yeah I had some pretty serious dreams. I was a good kid - playful and observant of the natural world around me - always mixing some sort of chemical and getting punished for the reaction it gave - yes I was a kid in love with science.

Crash, bang and boom! No, that is NOT the sound of one of my science experiments going bad! It is the sound of my father crashing and destroying my world. What happend? He came into the 'Truth".

Enter Daddy Dream Killer.....DDK, a catchy phrase for a serial killer, perhaps. But for a kid like me with hopes and dreams...it would be years before I could laugh this one off.....